to trust and to follow

Guess I’m going to have to jump into today’s vow and challenge with both feet, because I’ve got to admit that I have struggled with this one all morning.

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You see, the best way to approach this one is to admit that we both struggle in this area. My husband is a good man. He’s a loving husband and daddy. He’s a great provider. He loves God and desperately wants to please Him in all that He does. That being said, leadership has been a tough area for him. And following him has been an even tougher area for me.

We all want to follow our ideal of a great leader. And when I write “great leader” you no doubt have someone in mind. This person is confident, strong, passionate, inspiring, bold and sure. We gravitate to this kind of person, right?

But what if your husband is less confident and is unsure? What if some days are just really hard for him without the burden of wife and family and leadership? Without going into territory that is not my business to lead you into, it’s safe to say that his journey, our journey, has been a long and winding road of faith. And even still, I’m called to follow him when he’s not even sure of where he’s going.

I have to remember that this idea of submitting to my husband is really the way God has asked me to show obedience to Him. It’s not my role to lead our family. I’m to be thankful for the gift that God has given me in him and trust that God will bless me through him, though his leadership….because He has promised to.

I need to trust that my husband is going to love me and lead me, taking my desires and my welfare into account (even when he isn’t doing it in the way I think he should do it). My husband isn’t a mind reader – even though I often act like he should be. My end of the deal is that I need to let him know what is in my heart. It isn’t blind obedience or losing myself; it’s trusting that he will love me, forgive me, treasure me, and lead our family knowing what we need, what I need – because I’ve shared those thoughts with him.

Will he be perfect? No. He hasn’t been and he won’t be. But after fifteen years, I can certainly see how many of those things God has used for good, even when they hurt like crazy. I’m married to a sinner. I’m a sinner. So we do the best we can, we forgive each other, and we keep loving, confiding, and trusting. God is the one who is really providing for me through my husband. And my loving Father has certainly done a better job of taking care of me through my husband than I ever could’ve done myself.

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