an excellent wife

Let me start off with the disclaimer that I in no way consider myself to be perfect…in any way…by any means. And since I’m going to talk about wifery, I would also add that I am not the standard by which all wives should be measured.

I am not consistently selfless. I do not always remember to esteem my husband. But I will say that I am acutely aware of my role as his helpmate. I strive to support my husband in prayer and with love and respect. This isn’t easy. You see, I married Matt…a human guy. Now you’re thinking “weirdo”. But I say that to drive home the fact that he is just as scruffy and rumpled as I can be – we can both be tired, selfish, scared and insecure. But he is God’s choice for me and my role is to love him, unconditionally through the romance and the rockiness that life brings our union.

Now that I’ve gotten that disclaimer out of the way, I’d like to share a little somethin’ that has been cookin’ with me for a couple of weeks.

When did women, especially wives, lose their sense of decorum? When did we altogether just throw privacy and respect into the dumpster? It was somewhere subtle along the way and it’s just really grossing me out lately. It’s like we have forgotten what it is to be a lady and we don’t care how that reflects on our husbands. We wear whatever suits us. We talk like sailors. We “dish” like schoolgirls, out loud and in public where EVERYONE can hear us. We’re no longer seeking the counsel of a girlfriend; we’re dragging out dirty laundry out in public and bashing our husbands for all their faults. We’re throwing divorce parties. We’re gathering groups of MARRIED women together to watch a stripper movie – you know the “magic”al tale to which I’m referring. And, we’re reading smut – and that’s a black and white call, not gray. Wives are not ashamed of this behavior. We’re bragging about all of it on facebook!

I know that my heart has been convicted on more than one occasion for not behaving well. I’ve been short-tempered with my husband in public. I’ve argued with him in front of the kids. I’ve disregarded his opinions. I’ve been unlovely. But it stops there. I will not shame him by engaging in any of the above activities.  We’ve forgotten that our attitudes and behavior reflect on and affect our husbands. God says so much in Proverbs.


I know that in MY life, the shortest path to contentment is accepting the people in my life for who they are and accepting my role in the relationship. As wives, we’ve chosen to live a life that is not our own. We are under the guidance and protection of Christ, then our husbands. That doesn’t make us less; it takes the burden off of us. We don’t have to be in charge – although it’s so hard not to try to yank that wheel right out of his hands, isn’t it? We don’t carry the weight of aligning our home with heaven. Our role is to love and support. We offer insights and perspective. We are sounding boards and a safe port in the storms. We should do whatever we can to build up, not tear down. I know that if our husbands were watching stripper movies and reading erotica, we sure as heck wouldn’t want that on facebook! We’d be hurt. We’d be embarrassed. We’re louder about our hurts, ladies, but it goes both ways. In fact, I wonder if it might just hurt the guys more because we’re not even acknowledging it. We expect love and respect. But from what I’ve observed, the modern woman’s actions aren’t very reciprocating.

Seems to me that it’s pretty clear that our journey to joyful calls us to take the road less traveled, the road of denying ourselves to serve our husbands. It’s not easy to be the killjoy who refuses the “fun” of these gal pal movies and discussions about the “hot” latest book. But I know that I’d choose my marriage, my husband over the girls any day.

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2 thoughts on “an excellent wife

  1. This is such an excellent view!! Why does raunchy behavior from us women sometimes seem more acceptable then when men do it? I am so encouraged to honor, respect, and “crown” my husband with my actions and words. Thank you for writing what isn’t going to popular, but is needed for women who seek Jesus.

  2. Thanks so much for the encouragement, Carly. As you can imagine, not everyone appreciated those thoughts. (And thanks for posting a comment, in general. Getting feedback on a new blog means a lot.)

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